I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Even my vagina gasped.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
