drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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