Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
