Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
