tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
