There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dicks are not precious.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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