I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
