Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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