4 words: hood of his car
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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