I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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