Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
