i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
