I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
