Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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