that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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