I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
