YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
this is an emotional support booty call
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
