I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
