no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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