just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
