clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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