I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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