She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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