i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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