I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
