the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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