the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
