well you can't waste a boner
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
