we made out on top of his cat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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