you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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