Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i came on her dog
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
