my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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