you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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