Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I could fuck to npr.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
