i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
