He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
