I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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