He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
