ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
