Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
