The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
