I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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