she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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