I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
