I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
