Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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