It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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