Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
