I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
