somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
