She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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