I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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