I must be too annoying 4 u.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
