my phone needs a breathalizer
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
