So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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