Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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