I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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