the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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