Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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