I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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