come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
