I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
