She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
