Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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