Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
