He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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