it wasn't lemon gatorade
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am midnight drunk by noon
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
