when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
