I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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