she woke up with a sticky ear
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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